i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
