woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
