I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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