I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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