I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
