I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
