In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
