i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
