Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
