fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
