Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
