He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
