I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
These tits shall not be calmed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
