Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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