I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
