Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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