They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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