She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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