i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize