I am puke
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
