i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
