All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
