I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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