So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
