those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
why is half of my head shaved?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
