how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
