From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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