what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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