I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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