He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
