it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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