sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
