that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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