I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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