You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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