shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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