Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
