I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
