The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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