But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
