In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize