if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
