I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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