she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
