they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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