Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't put those talents on a resume
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
