Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
