meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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