Is it because I queefed?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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