hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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