yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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