Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
