So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
