Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
