Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
