I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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