guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
