Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
