Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize