Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had to cum in my sink.
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