i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
