I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
