he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
