you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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