i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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