No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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