question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I sprained my soul last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
