I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
