dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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