im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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